Warming Up 2012
My first car was a red Hyundai Pony hatchback (with the black silhouettes of a stallion reared up on its hind legs near the rear windows). In order to get it started, you had to use the choke (which always made me feel like I was driving a tractor). Patiently, I'd wait for the engine to warm up enough that I could back out of the driveway and put it into drive without stalling. Then I needed to make sure I could accelerate a good distance without slowing or else, once again, I risked stalling. But once you got it going, it was a good little car. You just needed to work through those first five minutes, coaxing it into life, with a number of false starts before you're running smoothly.
Starting 2012 has been like revving up the old Pony: a number of stalls, not quite getting anywhere just yet, but being patient until the engine finally finds its steady thrum. There's a lot of "almost ready" in the air: the Christmas decor is down, but the house hasn't had a full post-holiday cleaning; the festive foods are gone and real groceries bought, but I'm still trying to get back into regular meal-making and consuming; and I keep planning to go to the art supply store, but I don't really know what I want to get.
Besides being distracted by new books from Santa, I hadn't been able to sort out why I haven't been working on new projects in my spare time. Part of it, I suppose, is that I wanted to work on something different for my next project. And I have a project started that I was having fun with, but I was working on it while Ludo was sick. In fact, it kept me occupied while he slept on the couch beside me. I imagine my subconsciously relating that project to his last days has turned me off the whole thing. For now.
And that's ok.
I will let the creativity simmer slowly. In the meantime, I have other new year kinks to work out. Like getting back to exercising *sigh*. And making healthy meals. And cleaning my office. And just having a proper routine in place in general.
So if you're wondering where I am, I'm just letting the engine warm up.